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Keith grabbed my hands rolling them over showing me my own scars on my wrists of failed attempts. Linda showed me those scars as well, I had never noticed them before. She always wore brackets on her wrist hiding those scars.He told her that he himself had been down that road back after he was wounded in the war. First, it was alcohol then drugs. He even had thoughts of killing himself just to end his misery.He told me he kicked his addiction by going cold turkey. That he could help me but it would be painful for her as well as himself but he was willing to try if I was. Linda told me she told him to go fuck himself. That she was gay and he was just trying to get into her pants.Keith told her if that was the case he would have used nose candy to have done that. He knew from experience that an addict would do anything for that next fix. Even spreading your legs for something you had no use for.Linda told me she agreed to let Keith help her.Keith had her move in here with him. He made. I forget I’m me, I forget about my past, I forget that I vowed I’d never be a “funny girl” to anyone ever again. I forget that I could get hurt, that this isn’t what I want, that I’m terrified of him.I just forget.But the next morning I remember.I glance at my reflection when I wash my hands and see my swollen lips and everything I tried to suppress comes back like a rubber band. And it stings. I’m the woman who had to move to a huge city because she desperately wanted to be swallowed up. I’m the girl who ran away from her boyfriend who thought it was fun to use her as his stress relief. I’m the idiot who bailed exes out of jail, who ignored the depletion of her bank account, who always turned into a fool for love. I can’t do it again. I won’t.There’s a knock at my door and now I just feel dread. I know who it is and I just want him to go away. He likes me—the pieces I’ve let him see—and I like the pieces of himself he’s shown to me, too. Now I’m going to hurt him. But it’s for the.
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